I still remember how miserable I was when I first started my doctoral study at UMKC... I shouldn't have been.
Not that I really believe in myself - actually, I don't believe in myself that much - I never really expected to win anything, and I never thought I deserve any award or stuff; I entered to many competitions nonetheless, not thinking that I might win, but thinking, "this is the only way out."
I have represented UMKC on many occasions, both nationally and internationally. I am, for the first time, proud to say that I deserve this award, the doctoral fellowship from the school. Yes, today I received this good news.
The fact is, if they have had given me a rejection, the world would still go on, and I would have treated it like one of the 200 rejection letters I keep in my email, and forget about it in a minute. Is this sad? am I so desperate? or maybe it's just life.
For the first time in my life, I can pay rent and food for myself. Yup, pathetic graduate student.